I had come home early from work and I thought that I’d surprise my woman by finally putting up the curtains she bought in the January sales.
I pulled our bed away from the wall and out fell the wallet. Naturally I peered inside.
There was a £20 note, a condom foil and an ID card with my best mate’s name and picture on it and I went ballistic.
I called him up and asked him if he’d lost anything. He tried to pretend that he didn’t know what I was talking about but then my girl walked in and I threw the wallet at her feet.
She begged for my forgiveness. She swore they’d only had sex once – when I was away with work on business – and that they’d both regretted it ever since.
But just three weeks later, I walked in through the back door to find the two of them having sex on the kitchen worktop. His jeans were pulled down around his ankles and she was screaming her head off.
I started throwing stuff. Flour, fruit, sugar and mugs rained down on them as they scrambled to get away.
Now my girl is asking me to be patient. She admits there is something between them but they need time to work it out. He won’t return my calls and she’s currently staying with her sister. Is it all over or can I trust her to come back to me and behave herself?